Blue Eyes Designs

I have many thoughts on the current DMA business, but I’ve blathered about them
so much to so many people lately, that I really don’t want to do it here right
now. I will, however, mention that I wrote a letter to the editor of The
Paper in response to a column in this week’s issue (updates if I get printed)
and I will post the following letter in my extended entry: an open letter from
Bette Midler to the president regarding the issue at hand. She is currently far
better spoken than I.

Dear President Bush,

Today you called upon Congress to move quickly to amend the US Constitution, and
set in Federal stone a legal definition of marriage. I would like to know why.

In your speech, you stated that this Amendment would serve to protect
marriage in America, which I must confess confuses me. Like you, I believe
in the importance of marriage and I feel that we as a society take the
institution far too lightly. In my circle of family, friends and
acquaintances, the vast majority have married and divorced – some more than
once. Still, I believe in marriage. I believe that there is something
fundamental about finding another person on this planet with whom you want
to build a life and family, and make a positive contribution to society. I
believe that we need more positive role models for successful marriage in
this country – something to counteract the images we get bombarded with in
popular culture. When we are assaulted with images of celebrities of varying
genres, be it actors, sports figures, socialites, or even politicians who shrug
marriage on and off like the latest fashion, it is vitally important to the face
of our nation, for our children and our future, that we have a balance of
commitment and fidelity with which to stave off the negativity.

I search for these examples to show my own daughter, so that she can see that
marriage is more than a disposable whim, despite overwhelming evidence to the
contrary.

As a father, I’m sure you have faced these same concerns and difficulties in
raising your own daughters. Therefore I can also imagine that you must
understand how thrilled I have been over the past few weeks to come home and
turn on the news with my family. To finally have concrete examples of true
commitment, honest love, and steadfast fidelity was such a relief and a joy.
Instead of speaking in the hypothetical, I was finally able to point to these
men and women, standing together for hours in the pouring rain, and tell my
child that this is what its all about. Forget Britney. Forget Kobe.

Forget Strom. Forget about all the people that we know who have taken so
frivolously the pure and simple beauty of love and tarnished it so
consistently. Look instead at the joy in the beautiful faces of Del Martin
and Phyllis Lyon ­ 51 years together! I mean, honestly Mr. President – how
many couples do you know who are together for 51 years? I’m sure you agree
that this love story provides a wonderful opportunity to teach our children
about the true meaning and value of marriage. On the steps of San Francisco
City Hall, rose petals and champagne, suits and veils, horns honking and
elation in the streets; a celebration of love the likes of which this
society has never seen.

This morning, however, my joy turned to sadness, my relief transformed into
outrage, and my peace became anger. This morning, I watched you stand before
this nation and belittle these women, the thousands who stood with them, and the
countless millions who wish to follow them. How could you do that, Mr. President?
How could you take something so beautiful – a clear and defining example of the
true nature of commitment – and declare it to be anything less? What is it that
validates your marriage which somehow doesn’t apply to Del Martin and Phyllis
Lyon? By what power, what authority are you so divinely imbued that you can
stand before me and this nation and hold their love to a higher standard?

Don’t speak to me about homosexuality, Mr. President. Don’t tell me that the
difference lies in the bedroom. I would never presume to ask you or your wife
how it is you choose to physically express your love for one another, and I defy
you to stand before Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon and ask them to do the same. It
is none of my business, as it is none of yours, and it has nothing to do with
the “sanctity of marriage”. I’m sure you would agree that marriage is far more
than sexual expression, and its high time we all started focusing on all the
other aspects of a relationship which hold it together over the course of a
lifetime. Therefore, with the mechanics of sex set aside, I ask you again – what
makes a marriage? I firmly believe that whatever definition you derive, there
are thousands upon thousands of shining examples for you to embrace.

You want to protect marriage. I admire and support that, Mr. President.
Together, as a nation, let us find and celebrate examples of what a marriage
should be. Together, let us take couples who embody the principles of commitment,
fidelity, sacrifice and love, and hold them up before our children as role
models for their own futures. Together, let us reinforce the concept that love
is about far more than sex, despite what popular culture would like them to
believe.

Please, for the sake of our children, for the sake of our society, for the
sake of our future, do not take us down this road. Under the guise of
protection, do not support divisiveness. Under the guise of unity, do not
endorse discrimination. Under the guise of sanctity, do not devalue
commitment. Under the guise of democracy, do not encourage this amendment.

Bette Midler